Bass Guitar/ Backing Vocals

When you don’t send enough details about yourself to a webmaster – or your bio is maliciously intercepted by certain singers, we have to make educated guesses for this page. Everything here is most likely 99.9% accurate* and has been deduced through careful use of forensic psychology, paralinguistic interpretation … and a magic 8 ball.

Munchy box

Grant was born in 1870 in Villefranche-sur-Mer, not too far from Nice , France into a long line of accomplished chefs. Raised by the heat of a roaring open stove he honed his skills to near unprecedented levels- his Pièce de résistance being the soufflé Dilworth, widely reputed to have been so light, it was akin to eating the epitome of nothingness, and drove many to suicidal despair. René Descartes himself said absolutely nothing as he had died some 230 years previously, thus selfishly ruining a rather weak joke about existentialism and pudding.

When the world-famous cookery school Le Cordon Bleu opened in Paris in 1895, Grant was one of the few invited to attend. He packed his belonging in a small handkerchief tied to a stick and placed this inside a leather bound Louis Vuitton suitcase and made his way to the bright lights of gay Paris.

Despite creating some of the culinary masterpieces of the century Grant still wasn’t happy. He had fashioned a bass guitar out of a wooden wash dolly and different thicknesses of interwoven cheese string. He wrote some tasty licks and played to pauper children in the street, the deaf, elderly and others with severe mobility problems – however sadly, it was not his time, and his music was not understood.

Grant’s passion for music consumed everything in his life, surpassing even his desire to create works of art in the kitchen. He penned a short note to his family and locked himself in the icehouse freezer of Le Cordon Bleu – hoping to be unfrozen in a bright new age where the world is ready for his music.

In 2006 an archaeology team found him and against all medical odds successfully defrosted and revived him. Turing his back on cookery forever, he has vowed never to create again, subsisting on kebabs and 12 inch munchy boxes from Falkirk- His music is his passion, his time is now, our world now his, and his hefty low-end will reverberate around the halls of time forever more.

 

*this statement may not be 100% accurate